Male or Female?

My nick is Frank, but I am a female past 30. I too had a question from an unfamiliar chatter “male/female?” She too was a female and the first time we spoke with each other was on an English chat line. The topic was, why are there so few women on line? Later we've discovered that we are in the same line of work, she too is working at a software development company only she works from English to German and I from English to Hungarian.
The German language provided another common element between us since in our family background is German but at home it was only with my Grandmother that I ‘had’ to converse in German and Hungarian with the rest of the family. We've shortly switched the conversation from English to German although my grammar is atrocious – she got a kick out of my mistakes – but the use of the language reached layers within me that have not been visited since my childhood.

Later weave discovered that she lives in Vienna and I in Budapest. This meant that we were not terribly far from each other in the physical realm. We spoke everyday then and do still. There was so much kindness and gentleness in Gerda that each day when we spoke for a half an hour to an hour, I always felt refreshed, recharged. I could not believe that one could have such good friend. My boyfriend often mentioned that he has a much better time with me after I've talked to Gerda.

Approximately a year ago Gerda invited me to go for a shopping trip to Vienna. She offered me the opportunity to stay at her home, but asked that I do not bring my boyfriend because she would like to spend the week-end shopping for “girl stuff” and having a man around we could not talk to our heart's content.

She was exactly as she described herself, tall, lean, blond and smiling. We laughed a lot, shopped for especially lingerie, ate and drank wonderful things. In the evening something had happened that I never thought of before nor anticipated now During a conversation she suddenly kissed me fully on the mouth and I returned the kiss wholeheartedly. Somehow, almost with unpronounced naturality our intimate emotional relationship had turned physical. Humans are a strange breed, body and soul sometime intermingle. The mutual affection we had for each other also worked for us in bed.

Gerda had always preferred strictly women and now she was in love with me. I love her also, but at the same time feel somewhat schizophrenic. I don't feel as though I were a lesbian or bisexual in the least bit. Other women don't interest me, nor do I look at attractive women any differently than I had before. My relationship with my boyfriend is unchanged, we still understand and love each other as before, although he doesn't know our secret.

Anyway, I did not become a lesbian, but when I cross the border at Hegyeshalom – I've visited Gerda several times since – I transform completely. I think only in German, think only of Gerda and I can hardly wait to feel her embrace. Returning home it is the same thing only in reverse. After hearing the border guard's Hungarian greeting I only think of my boyfriend and my family. This changes only when our e-mails with Gerda become increasingly passionate. Then I know it is time for me to visit Vienna.

The net is dangerous territory. This should be engraved at the factory on every monitor. Yet, I am still happy.

With affection,
Frank (who is really Judy)